Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
