eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
