Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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