WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We had sex on a dog bed..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
