remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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