Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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