first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
