Non-Jews are for practice
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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