he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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