I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
