he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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