I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
