Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
