i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Alive.
So much puke
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
