We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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