Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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