Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
