I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
