we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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