it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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