THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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