i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
