and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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