i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
