Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
