Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
