i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
