Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
