Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
