I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
