need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
