this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
