can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
