I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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