I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Shame is for Republicans.
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