A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
