Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
