marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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