he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
