Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
