Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
