There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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