So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
