I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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