I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
