I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
