So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
