As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
