He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Plan B is the new Plan A
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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