just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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