i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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