My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
