He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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