Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
