Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
