You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
