He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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