Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
