he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
