she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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