i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
