there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
