Already got asked if we're dating
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
