And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
